Taking Up Space
A few months ago, my family and I were exploring SoHo. We moved to Brooklyn last summer and have been exploring Manhattan on the weekends.
On the street, a woman grabbed my attention asking, “Hey! What state ends with the letter K?” When I hesitated, she followed up with, “While you’re thinking about that mind if I talk to you about autism?”
My husband and I walked away from the conversation after donating $15 to the Autism Spectrum Disorder Foundation. But though I care deeply about autism and support advocacy efforts (my cousin is autistic), something about this felt…off.
As we continued down the street, my husband and I discussed the encounter. The woman who approached us was beautiful. She was confident and passionate. She made a compelling case for donating. But later, a quick Google search suggested the foundation might not be legit. Whoops.
Being agreeable and people-pleasing is second nature to us. We try to avoid making waves—especially with strangers in public. People want to be liked, understood, and included—not to mention safe. At its core, it’s a survival instinct.
I can think of several times I’ve flat-out lied to someone trying to go with the flow of the conversation. Pretending I know something or have done something. It’s easier to just nod, smile, and agree, right?
One of my intentions this year is to take up space.
You’re allowed to take a breath, to think before responding to something. You’re allowed to have a different opinion. You’re allowed to be awkward. You’re allowed to introduce friction into an interaction. Most conversations are not life or death. You’ll live.
A commitment to taking up space is a commitment to my personal integrity. To my individuality. My goal is connection, of course, but authentic connection. An authentic conversation is two imperfect parts of a single whole. The result? A more genuine me.
I’m taking up space this year. It’s not easy, but I hope to work on it.
P.S. The state that ends with K is New York damn it.
